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 Funny Jokes

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bodom
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes   Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:38 am

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger
parts.
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bodom
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes   Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:39 am

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get
drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say “NO” to drugs and
“YES” to chores.
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bodom
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes   Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:39 am

#jokes #funny #comedy #humor

Courage
A student of philosophy was taking his final written exam at his
university. The assignment for the 5-hour long exam was to write
an essay on the topic, “What is courage?”

The young man sat at his desk and thought for a little while. Finally,
he scribbled something on the piece of paper in front of him, got up,
and turned in the piece of paper.

All he had written was: “This is.”
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bodom
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes   Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:39 am

#jokes #funny #comedy #humor

Daytime Television

A newspaper reporter was writing a feature story about prison life and
was interviewing one of the prisoners. “Do you watch much television
here?”

“Only the daytime shows,” the inmate said. “At night we’re locked in
our cells and don’t see any television.”

“That’s too bad,” the reporter said, “But I do think it is nice that
the warden lets you watch it in the daytime.”

“What do you mean, nice?” the inmate said. “That’s part of the
punishment!”
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bodom
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes   Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:39 am

#jokes #funny #comedy #humor

Priorities
I’m not afraid of dying, but I sure hope I
use all my vacation days before it happens
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bodom
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes   Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:40 am

#jokes #funny #comedy #humor

A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous
specialist.

“So who did you see before coming to me?” asked the important doctor.

“My local General Practitioner, Dr. Smith.”

“Your GP?” scoffed the doctor. “What a waste of time. Tell me, what
sort of stupid and useless advice did Smith give you?”

“He told me to come and see you….”
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bodom
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes   Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:40 am

#jokes #funny #comedy #humor

Good News Bad News

A machine operator comes home from the factory and tells his wife:
“Honey, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. First, the good
news: I got $25,000.00 severance pay!”

His wife said: “$25,000.00 in severance pay? That’s great! Now,
what’s the bad news?”

He said: “Wait till you hear what was severed!”
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bodom
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes   Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:40 am

#jokes #funny #comedy #humor

Weight, Please

A women, not known for her patience, would often complain about
the long delay she always endured at her doctor’s office. One day,
when her name was finally called, she was asked to step on the
scale.

“I need to get your weight today,” said the nurse.

Without a moment’s hesitation, the women replied, “One hour and 45
minutes!”
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bodom
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes   Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:41 am

#jokes #funny #comedy #humor

Two elderly ladies were coming to the end of their train ride.
“Thank goodness that’s over” said one.
“Why?” enquired the other.
“Because my bottom has gone to sleep” replied the first.
“Yes, I know” said the other.
“How could you possibly know?” enquired the first.
“Well, it kept snoring” said the other.
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bodom
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes   Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:41 am

#jokes #funny #comedy #humor

Shiver Me Piratin’ Timbers, Arrrrr!!!

A man walks into a pet store and says, “I’m playing
Long John Silver in the play Treasure Island, and
I’m looking for a parrot. Can you sell me one?”

The pet store owner says, “You don’t want a real
parrot, it’ll squawk all the time and poop on your
shoulder, and what if it falls off during the play?”

The man says, “Well, I want to be as realistic as
possible.”

The pet store owner says, “I’ve got a stuffed parrot
you can use. Can you pick it up on Thursday?”

“Oh, I can’t come on Thursday. That’s when I’m
getting my leg cut off.”
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bodom
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes   Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:41 am

#jokes #funny #comedy #humor

Soldiers
As the regiment moved out, the crowd cheered. One soldier
asked an officer, “Who are all those cheering people?”

The veteran answered, “They’re the ones who aren’t going.”
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